「問わず語りの神田伯山」（TBSラジオ）のヘビーリスナーです。
もっぱらアプリのラジオクラウドで聴いています。
家から会社まで自転車通勤ですが、30分弱かかるのでラジオの時間とぴったり！
「問わず語り～」の初めの放送から最新まで、すでに3回は聴きました！
全放送、大好きなのですが、これは！と思ったのが2020年6月19日放送「メールで来ちゃった弟子志願。」の回です。
立川談春の本「赤めだか」に書かれている、立川談志が弟子たちにくだす命令について書かれています。
ちなみに、アプリだとそれぞれの回に戸波ディレクターがタイトルをつけています笑
こんなタイトルも。
「はじめての自宅収録～最低の悪口を最低の音質で！」（2020年4月17日回）
コロナの緊急事態宣言で、神田伯山が自宅からの放送となりましたが、本当に音質が悪いです。アプリで聴くと、すぐに音質の悪さがわかります。
「最低の音質」で放送したのは戸波ディレクターの責任なのですが、そんなことは気にせずにタイトルにつけちゃうところが笑えます。
ちなみに最も最低なタイトルは、「ダウンタウンDX（インポ講談師）」（2019年2月10日）。
神田伯山が「ダウンタウンDX」に出演してインポの話をしたところ、どんスベリしたということを話した回です笑
話を戻します。
「問わず語りの神田伯山」で紹介された立川談志の命令
「メールで来ちゃった弟子志願。」の回で、ドラマにもなった立川談春の「赤めだか」に書かれている、立川談志の言葉です。
神田伯山が流れるように語った、「赤めだか」に書かれた談志の言葉が笑えます。
自宅に来た4人の弟子への命令の言葉。
「二階のベランダの桟が汚れている、きれいにしろ。葉書出しとけ。スーパーで牛乳買ってこい。庭のつつじの花がしぼんで汚ねェ、むしっちまえ。留守の間に隣の家に宅急便が届いている、もらってこい。枕カバー替えとけ。事務所に電話して、この間の仕事のギャラ確認しとけ。シャワーの出がよくない上にお湯がぬるい。原因を調べて直せ。どうしてもお前達で直せないなら職人を呼ぶことを許すが、金は使うな。物置に写真が大量にある。外枠の白い部分が俺は嫌いだ。きれいにカットしろ。豚のコマ切れ百グラム買ってこい。戸袋に鳥が巣を作ったようだ、うまく処理しろ、これは談々にやらせろ。スリッパの裏が汚ねェ、きれいにふいとけ。家の塀を偉そうな顔して猫が歩きやがる。不愉快だ、空気銃で撃て。ただし殺すな。重傷でいい。庭の八重桜に毛虫がたかると嫌だから、薬まいとけ。何か探せばそれらしきものがあるだろう。なきゃ作れ。オリジナリティとはそうやって発揮してゆくもんだ」
一度にいくつの用事をいいつけるのか笑
ちょっと数えてみます。
1、二階のベランダの桟が汚れている、きれいにしろ。
2、葉書出しとけ。
3、スーパーで牛乳買ってこい。
4、庭のつつじの花がしぼんで汚ねェ、むしっちまえ。
5、留守の間に隣の家に宅急便が届いている、もらってこい。
6、枕カバー替えとけ。
7、事務所に電話して、この間の仕事のギャラ確認しとけ。
8、シャワーの出がよくない上にお湯がぬるい。原因を調べて直せ。どうしてもお前達で直せないなら職人を呼ぶことを許すが、金は使うな。
9、物置に写真が大量にある。外枠の白い部分が俺は嫌いだ。きれいにカットしろ。
10、豚のコマ切れ百グラム買ってこい。
11、戸袋に鳥が巣を作ったようだ、うまく処理しろ、これは談々にやらせろ。
12、スリッパの裏が汚ねェ、きれいにふいとけ。
13、家の塀を偉そうな顔して猫が歩きやがる。不愉快だ、空気銃で撃て。ただし殺すな。重傷でいい。
14、庭の八重桜に毛虫がたかると嫌だから、薬まいとけ。何か探せばそれらしきものがあるだろう。なきゃ作れ。オリジナリティとはそうやって発揮してゆくもんだ
なんと14個！
こんなのパニックです笑
しかも、これを命令した立川談志はすべて記憶していて、一日の終わりにすべてチェックが入るというのです！
立川談春はこの命令を言われた時の気持ちをこう表しています。
「立て続けにここまで云われると人間おだやかな気持ちになることを僕は知った。」
談春はこう考えられますが、立川談秋は本当にパニックです。
この二つの命令を混同してしまいます。
4、庭のつつじの花がしぼんで汚ねェ、むしっちまえ。
14、庭の八重桜に毛虫がたかると嫌だから、薬まいとけ。
なんと、つつじの花にキンチョールをまいてしまうのです！
もちろん談志に怒られて「つつじが許してくれたと思うまで謝っとけ」と言われます。
そして談秋は、つづじに土下座するのです・・・
今となってはパワハラですが、神田伯山のとらえ方はちがいます。
「問わず語りの神田伯山」でこう語っています。
「談志師匠も考えてて、これを多分言うことによって、将来コイツらはこれをネタで食っていくことができるだろうなっていう優しさ」
たしかに、立川談春はこのエピソードを「赤めだか」に書いて10万部以上売れ、ドラマにもなっています！
ちなみに、キンチョールの立川談秋は辞めてしまいます。
「立川談秋廃業・・・・。」
「赤めだか」のドラマは、DVDを借りるしか見る手立てがありません。Amazon PrimeやNetflixでは配信していません。
TSUTAYAディスカスかGEOの宅配レンタルで観られます。
「赤めだか」には高田文夫も登場
「問わず語りの神田伯山」にもしばしば登場する高田文夫先生。
「赤めだか」にも出てきます。
立川志らくは日芸（日本大学芸術学部）の落研の先輩である高田文夫の紹介で、談志に入門しました。
談春と志らくの会を、高田文夫が見に来たのです！
そして打ち上げに二人をスナックに連れていくのです！
この会から高田文夫との付き合いが始まります。
高田先生、粋です。
前座の二人をその年の暮れに飲みに誘いますが、その文句が若い二人に気を使わせないようにしていて素敵です。
「米助、小遊三と忘年会やるから、お前等二人も水割り作りに来い。水割りくらい作れるだろ」
この日もスナックに行くと、二人はカラオケと談志の「かわいい」ぬいぐるみエピソードで笑いを取ります。
あの強面の立川談志が、ライオンのぬいぐるみを大事にしてベッドに置いているというのでうす。
スナックが笑いの渦になります！
「まとめ」と「赤めだか」の目次
「問わず語りの神田伯山」きっかけで「赤めだか」を読みましたが、これほど笑える本はありません！
あまりにも書きすぎるとネタバレになるので、目次だけ書いておきます。
目次
・「これはやめとくか」と談志は云った。
・新聞配達少年と修行のカタチ
・談志の初稽古、師弟の想い
・青天の霹靂、築地魚河岸修行
・己の嫉妬と一門の元旦
・弟子の食欲とハワイの夜
・高田文夫と雪夜の牛丼
・生涯一度の寿限無と五万円の大勝負
・揺らぐ談志と弟子の罪
－立川流後輩達に告ぐ
・誰も知らない小さんと談志
－小さん、米朝、ふたりの人間国宝
ぜひ！
【神田伯山監修の「講談師」のマンガ】
【立川談志がダ・ヴィンチと並ぶ天才と言った手塚治虫について】
【神田伯山がマッシュと行ったトキワ荘について】
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